Friday, February 18, 2011

Stamps and Death

Do I have your attention?  So I'm at the post office this week with a crabby, teething baby and a butt load of packages.  Waiting in line....waiting....waiting....waiting....shifting and sighing now...waiting....waiting....losing patience now....waiting...waiting....trying to keep baby happy.....handing baby cell phone to keep him happy....waiting....waiting....waiting....put packages down because arms are going to fall saying loudly "It's Okay Sawyer, we're almost done....this lady will move soon and it will be out starting to lose it and am shooting death starting to encroach on someone's personal space....waiting....waiting....and FINALLY, reach the counter.

Know why I was waiting for so long?  Well, 1. Because the freaking post office can NEVER have more than one window open even when there are 34 people in line...but 2.  Because the old bag at the counter is choosing between the Ronald Reagan stamps and the Chinese New Year stamps with the oranges on them.  The conversation, shortened for your patience level, goes along the lines of her debate on what stamp she should get to mail her letter to a recipient who won't give a flying fig what kind of stamp is on it and will deposit the stamp in a garbage can that will end up dumped into a waste management plant.  She pro/conned the fact that "Ronald Reagan was such a GREAT President...I really should get the Ronald Reagan stamp!" to "Well, the Chinese New Year stamp is so pretty with the orange oranges on it...but are they really oranges or clementines?  Or some kind of citrus that only grows in China?"
If I was the postal clerk at this point I would have gone postal on this woman.

Seriously, this conversation went on for an eternity.  I thought I was going to absolutely freaking LOSE it!  No one cares lady if you buy the stamp with Ronald Reagan's turkey gobble neck or the freaking fruit from China.  NO ONE CARES! The lady working at the postal office could care less, the person getting the letter could care less, and let me tell ya, I could really give a damn!  My arms are going to rip off from their sockets, my kid is now screaming....and the rest of the people in line are also wishing you would just either 1. Decide or 2. Drop dead at the counter so we can step over you and get our mailing done!

Harsh of me?  Yes...fine...I admit it.  I do.  This woman is someone's mother, grandmother, sister, wife, etc.  But seriously...please enlighten me....why the hell does it matter what stamp you put on a letter?  Is this what happens when you get old?  Is this all there is to look forward to?  Memories of past dead Presidents with turkey gobble necks or citrus fruits...on STAMPS?  If it is, prepare my burial plot now.  I'm ready. 

Oh...just so you can sleep tonight...she chose Ronny.  RIP.

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