A Sad Day For Me....

Well, this is going to be a personal blog entry....not my usual sarcasm...although I'm sure some of it will come through.  I don't like to talk abut what I'm going to talk about....mainly because I really wish the subject would just go away.  I don't like to bother people about it, don't like to talk about it, don't want to acknowledge that it's happening to me, or that I've fallen victim to something, because that really pisses me off. 
I have had Rheumatoid Arthritis for years now...officially diagnosed after I had Payton, but when I look back it started after Taylor.  What is RA?  It's an autoimmune disease, and it sucks.  It is my body attacking my joints...every joint in my body.  It causes extreme fatigue, aches, sharp pain, swelling, burning...in nearly every joint in my body.  I hate this thing.  So evil.  It has taken away a part of me I hope I can someday get back...but right now I don't know if that will ever happen.  I have good days, and I have really bad.  Basically it's like having the flu every day...the sharp aches and pains, fatigue that I can't explain....a desperateness in my body I just can't get a hold of.  My knees are the worst...I have the ugliest knees you have ever seen...they have swelling in them ranging from a golf ball to a tennis ball every day...golf ball is good, tennis ball I'm not leaving the house and I'm crawling up stairs.  The thing that really sucks is that RA is really an invisible disease.  I'm not losing my hair, having surgery, there are no marks on me.  It's an internal battle every day.  Every hour.  One hour I can feel fine...the next I'm in tears.  I think of it as a "thing" that I want to hurt, battle, destroy...but unfortunately most days it's doing this to me.  I don't really talk about it much....I just want it to go away.  But it's not.  I have had to take huge doses of steroids in the past few years....and while it has gotten me through, it's not working anymore.  The only thing it is doing now is making me gain more weight.  And the steroids have really awful side effects...not what you think of when you think steroids...they aren't the anabolic kind...I'm not entering any weight lifting contests!  They are starting to affect my organs, my bone density, and they are making me pack on weight that just is not healthy.  I went off my biologic shots when I wanted to get pregnant with Sawyer, was pregnant with him, and while I'm still nursing.  But it has gotten so bad I can't do it anymore without this drug I hate to take.

This is my Humira shot.  I have to self inject it every other week now.  And god does it hurt....burns like hell as the medicine is going in.  I hate this thing.  It has side effects too..the biggest is putting me at a risk of developing lymphoma.  But what to do?  I have to take that risk because I'm not functioning.  RA goes into remission when I'm pregnant....hence I LOVE being pregnant!  I feel more normal pregnant than not....how weird is that?  But after, it gets worse each time...coming back with a vengence.  So I finally had to give in.  And I feel like such a failure.  I don't want to rely on this awful thing...I want to be and feel like the person I used to be, and it makes me so sad that I'm not a strong enough person to do it without this. I want to be able to beat this by myself, not rely on this medicine that costs $1500 a shot (thank god for insurance...never underestimate your insurance!) and has to be drop shipped to me from a specialty pharmacy and it's like trying to get national security clearance to get delivered to my house. 
Damn this thing!  Go away!  It will take 6-8 weeks for the shots to take effect as it builds up in my body enough to make a difference...hopefully it works again.  It did after Payton....but it can change.  I will start weaning myself from steriods soon too...and hopefully my gut and my moon face will go away too. 
I guess the biggest thing I'd like is for people to realize that just because people don't have an outer symptom, they may be really hurting inside.  I try to remind myself of this every day...when the lady at pottery barn was a complete bitch to me last week as I was rolling my stroller around I tried to remind myself maybe her snapiness is not me, that she has some inner pain.  People with chronic pain and diseases like this don't want sympathy...I hate sympathy.  I don't want to accept sympathy because that to me means I'm giving in and I'm weak.  I hate weakness in myself.  I just need understanding.  I need to give myself a break and let myself be weak for a minute...but if I do I'm afraid I'll never get back up. 

Okay...done.  Pity party, griping, and airing my dirty diseased laundry is over.  Time to buck back up.  I wouldn't wish this on anyone, and if it means me having it and prevents someone else, like god forbid my kids, getting it, I'm happy to take it.  Good health to everyone...and remember in your daily interactions with anyone, sometimes pain is really masked.  Being nice matters....and thanks for being nice to me!  :)  I'm very lucky to have the people in my life that I do!

It's X-rated Monday night!

Okay, don't judge.  Here is an x-rated blog entry...so cover the innocent children's eyes and ears.

Does anyone else's husbands just do crazy things like this?

He just comes into my den while I'm working, plops this down on my desk, and starts cracking up, giving me the "eye".  What does this mean?  Can't you see I'm working?  Really? 
Just when do men outgrow things like this?  I mean, we have FOUR KIDS!  He's got an MBA and works for a major corporation....he has a mortgage...he's a "big boy".  Really?

Or this one:

Sorry...how the heck do you turn these pics?

 So this cute little lunch box I'm using to put hair bows in for work.  So, it's sitting on the counter, and he says, "I don't know, how many licks does it take?"  (insert eyebrow wiggle and wink).

Really? I mean, does everything have to take a meaning like this?  This all coming from the man who is telling me I can't have another baby.  Also after his facebook status concerns making a pass at me tonight.  Honey, ya gotta do better than a facebook status....although I know he was just being sweet because I'm totally peeved at not losing any weight this week.

So when do men outgrow constantly thinking about "IT".  Talking about "IT".  Making jokes about "IT".  Making references to "IT".  Turning all attention to "IT"?????

Maybe I'm totally outing my dear sweet husband who is going to kill me when he reads this post as a total pervert.  And maybe I'm outing myself and my family as weirdos and people will run screaming away from  us from now on, whispering "You know about those Jordans....let me tell you what she wrote on her blog!"

Mike tells me all men make comments like this....hmmmmm.....makes me wonder......

Sunday Hodgepodge

I have numerous thoughts spinning in my head tonight.  Numerous gripes I should more or less say.
1.  Freaking Weight Watchers.  I have been SO good this week and GAINED 0.3 pounds.  WTH?  I'm having a mini pity party for myself right now...all I want to do is stuff a loaf of bread and a wedge of cheese down my throat.  Instead I'm eating tasteless popcorn.  This is going to be a long ass road....
2.  If I call my rheumatologists office tomorrow and my prescription for my RA meds is not taken care of, Ashley, the rude receptionist who treats me like an idiot and is so condescending is going to get an earfull from me.  She does not even know what is ahead of her if this has not been taken care of.
3.  I am so glad Sunday night is over....Sunday night is so overwhelming.  I don't know why, but it always is.  Getting all 4 kids bathed is a major undertaking....just the whole prep for the next week....I should enjoy Sunday, we all should...it's the weekend!  But does anyone else just get overwhelmed starting Sunday afternoon?  This needs to change!
4.  I love listening to my kids have conversations with Mike.  It's hilarious sometimes.  One of my favorite things to do is just eavesdrop on them.  Tonight I heard, "Daddy, do dingos really eat humans?"

I walk into the living room and they are all watching "I shouldn't be alive"...Mike's favorite show.  Noah is under the blanket next to Mike....afraid of the dingos perhaps.  Yes, the girl's have curlers in their hair...another stressful part of my night....rolling hair in pink foam curlers.  Payton will look like Shirley Temple in the morning and cry because it's "too curly"...even though she BEGGED me to roll it tonight.  The grass is always greener....
Anyways, apparently someone was about to be eaten by a dingo or was being eaten by a dingo, or something.  Quality parenting.  At least it's better than the Simpson's, which I despise, and had to listen to Mike and Noah crying laughing over tonight.  NO ONE is more annoying that Bart and Homer Simpson.
5.  Overheard Mike talking to Payton about her lunch as well..."Payton, do you want edamame in your lunch?" (She LOVES edamame).
Payton:  Ugly, puking face being made "Ughhhh, NOOOO!"
Mike:  "You love edamame"
Payton:  "Nope, not anymore...just give me some chocolate.  I NEED some chocolate!"
Mike: Exasperated sigh.
Some innocent little boy playing with his Legos had no idea that in 20 years he is going to meet Payton and his life will be over. 
Off to online shop.....since I can't eat.  I need to make myself feel better somehow!

I have completely gone downhill as a mother....Number 1 vs. Number 4

I came across the most pathetic, funny, ridiculous, over the top document on my computer today.  It is called "Taylor Care"....I don't remember where Mike and I were going, but we were obviously leaving her with with his parents.  What I wrote way back then is in black....my first child.  God I was young and dumb.  I'll write in red what it is like now, for Sawyer, my poor 4th child.

Taylor Care

Schedule:  Ummmm...Taylor had a schedule?  There is no freaking schedule! 

Between 7 and 8 am:  Are you freaking kidding me?  Between 7 and 8 AM?  I'm fast asleep at that time now! You will hear her start to wake up on the monitor, Monitor is usually turned WAY down so he doesn't wake me up  anywhere in this hour.  Unless it sounds like she is absolutely screaming bloody murder, give her approx. 15-20 minutes to wake up.  You will hear her talking, etc. to herself.  Sawyer is absolutely screaming to get me up there.

Wake Up:  She usually likes to hang out in her crib or her room upon waking up for a little while, reading books, looking at magnets, etc.No toys in crib...crib is for night night....we all must sleep...sleep...SLEEP!

Go Downstairs:  She likes to have juice first thing.  Sawyer usually gets some juice about 10 am when he's yanking and pulling at me and I say "Oh shit...I haven't given you anything to drink yet!"

Juice Directions:  Any sippy cup—you can use disposable cups or Playtex—remember that Playtex cups need valve in lid.  Did I really have this many different kinds of sippy cups?  You're getting juice kid...let's not be picky about the cup you're drinking it in.Cups and bowls are all in the top cabinet to the left of the sink.  Put in more than 2/3 water from fridge and then top off with juice. Was I completely insane?  What???   Don’t be surprised if she drinks through one very quickly and asks for another—that is fine.Enjoy it kid...it might be the last cup of juice you get til 3 pm and I say "shit, you're done with that juice from this morning?"

TV Shows:  On Channel 9 at 8:00 is the first

Sesame Street

. Sawyer has never seen Sesame Street. She will probably want you to sit on the couch with her and she will snuggle.Sawyer would laugh at me if I tried to sit on the couch with him and snuggle...did I really have this much time on my hands?  However, sometimes she right off the bat wants to play at the same time she watches.

*She may ask for a banana during the first hour, and I let her eat it on the couch.  Basically, she is allowed to eat anything “dry” on the couch. Anyone that has been to my house in the last 2 years knows that NO ONE EATS ON MY COUCH!  YOU ARE LUCKY YOU ARE SITTING ON THE COUCH I COVETED FROM POTTERY BARN FOR YEARS AND FINALLY HAVE!  GET SOMETHING ON MY COUCH AND DIE!

*At 9:00 we switch over to channel 67 for the Wiggles—it’s about 20 minutes long.  Now, I miss the Wiggles...but they were never the same after Greg left the group.

*After the Wiggles we switch to Channel 6 for the second

Sesame Street

.  Or, if she does not want to watch the Wiggles, she can immediately start watching the second

Sesame Street

.Okay, my first kid watched a lot of TV....Sawyer does not watch TV.

Breakfast:  Usually after 9:00 is when she will want to eat—she eats at end chair near the doorwall.Kid, just sit anywhere while I have time to feed you.  She will watch TV as she eats.  I put down a paper towel and give her a bowl of Cheerios (which are in pantry) with 2% milk. Oh my god I was truly insane. Spoons are in silverware drawer right of sink.  Sometimes she will ask for more Cheerios.

After Breakfast:  You can get her dressed now or wait if she wants to play. Sawyer is usually in his pj's all day...unless we are going out...and only then if he's lucky Wipe face with wipes that are in cabinet under the phone.Usually wearing breakfast on his face when Daddy get's homeat 6 pm.

Continuing TV:  Teletubbies come on at 10:00 on Channel 6, followed by Barney.  Usually both are on, but she is doing other things by now. Really more TV?

Getting Dressed:  What usually works best is if I bring the clothes downstairs and get her dressed in front of the TV.  There are diapers up in her closet organizer or under the phone with the wipes. I changed Taylor's diaper in the morning?  Usually it's about 11 when Sawyer gets his.... Ponies and combs are in her vanity drawer, a white comb is also in the wooden organizer by the phone in the kitchen (in the front compartments).At least I have this going for me with the 4th being a boy....no hair stuff!

Activities for the day:  Her favorites are:  markers, puzzles, stickers, books, stuff in the playroom such as chalkboards, bears, trains, etc.  Playdough is in the cupboard above phone. Playdough makes a freaking mess and is the devil's toy! Stickers, markers, paper, etc. are in hall closet in art cart.  Please supervise with markers and white board markers. What's she going to do, stab herself?  Here Sawyer, play with scissors while mommy takes her shower! 

*The computer is a big hit too.  Turn on computer, after it boots up hit the blue “e” on bottom for internet.  Go to favorites on the top and go to Taylor.  There are several sites for her—favorites are the

Sesame Street

sites.

*She likes walks and going in her red or green car.  Also likes to take her baby out in the stroller for walks on the sidewalk.

*Park at Wixom Library in the back or Gilbert Willis play structure.

*She also likes the pet store on Haggerty just south of maple (Petsmart by Target).

Lunch:  She usually does not snack before lunch, Sawyer would not eat if he didn't snack...who has time to go through this whole feeding thing again? but she can of course have anything she wants or that you offer.  Usually around 12:30 she will eat lunch, but give or take considering when she ate breakfast and how much.  For lunch you can give her the following, which is also basically her diet as a whole:

·       Cheese—strips or slices

·       Applesauce

·       Peanut butter and jelly—on white bread, cut in two diamonds Really?

·       Chips

·       Triscuits

·       Crackers (chocolate, goldfish, etc.)

·       Yogurt

·       Macaroni and cheese—just make sure it is plenty cool—and sometimes this is iffy. Could be a waste of your time though.

·       Bananas

·       Oranges

·       Pear slices—I cut them up

·       She also has chicken nuggets and tater tots in freezer—these are good for dinner for her especially—cut them up after taking out of oven and stick in freezer on a plate for a few minutes to cool down—she will freak out if too hot

·       Pizza and garlic/cheese bread

God, this is so much variety and so healthy!  I don't want protective services showing up at my door, so I'll plead the 5th on this one!

Naptime:  At 3:00 is usually a good time. Kid, it' s12:30, I'm done, you are going to bed Change diaper before nap.That is really funny!  Tell her it’s nappy time, that nappies make us happy, and it is time to go upstairs to take a nap.There is no explanation, talking about it, etc....it's happening...NOW!

She may resist, may not.  Do it anyway.The first sane thing in this whole thing! She understands when you tell her that naps are important and that we all take them, and you will do more fun stuff after naptime. Go in room and do a check for cats—behind chair, under vanity, and under crib.  Put stuffed animals, books, magnets, etc. at end of crib (cover books with one of her blankies).  We usually tell her one book, which ends up to be 2 or 3.  Then when it is time, Pick her up, hold her so she is facing away from you leaning back, and begin to rock.  She may ask you to sing the sunshine song (You are my sunshine), bus (wheels on the bus), itsy (itsy bitsy spider), hush little baby, or baa baa (baa baa black sheep with her selected colors--what the hell?  Selected colors?  Oh my god why was I not committed?).  She will probably rub your left arm that is kinda slung over her left shoulder.  It sometimes takes 10 minutes to get her to sleep, sometimes 25--you have got to be kidding me!  Sawyer gets 3 minutes...tops...TOPS!.  She will go with persistence, and a nap is necessary.  As she stops moving her hand on your arm you can cradle her so she is laying across your lap with her head on left arm of chair.  Once she has her eyes closed and is sucking thumb for a good 5 minutes or so (if the thumb falls out when her eyes are closed – she’s out), lift her up in the same laying down position and put her in crib along closest bumper, head at top near door.It's like trying to coordinate world peace!!!  Seriously, what the HELL was I thinking?  This is getting embarrassing!  Then leave!  **Oh, important, put fan on the highest level of noise when you go into room to read books—fan is important!**

*If she resists a nap,there is no resisting....it's happening....I don't care what the hell you do or say get her as sleepy as possible and put her in crib awake—if she stands up and cries you are probably out of luck.No Sawyer, you are out of luck.  It is okay to leave her in her crib for a while to see if she goes to sleep—up to one hour unless she is absolutely screaming bloody murder.Oh, you'll be screaming bloody murder....and you'll be up there for 3 hours.

If you get her down for a nap she should sleep for 2-3 hours.Damn straight!  Listen on monitor. Hilarious! If she sleeps longer than that, let her!  Just make sure she is up by 6:30 ish.Sawyer is going to bed at 6:30...Taylor is just getting up?

Wake up:  Same as morning—let her wake up a little bit first before you go up there (at least 10-15 minutes, but can be longer if she is not screaming).Oh my good lord, really? 

After nap:  Up to you—can do basically whatever—usually she likes to go outside if nice out.  She usually wants a sippy of juice when she gets up.

Dinner:  Time depends on when she gets up from nap—7 or 7:30.  She will not eat well if she has dinner right after nap.

*Can have anything for dinner (refer to food list)Lucky you are getting dinner between dance, scouts, Matilda Jane, phone, homework, fighting, screaming, emails........

*Likes to watch a video while you are making dinner and during dinner usually.

Nighttime:  GG’s are in second drawer on left side of dresser—she can pick out if she wants.  Diapers, again, are in closet.  Wipes are on top of dresser.  Bedtime is 9-9:30,I am done with ALL KIDS by 8....ALL depending on when she got up from nap.  Go in room, fan on medium level, do a cat check.  Close door and she will want to read or play with kitchen, vanity, feed/rock her baby, etc. to stall time.  Toys in room?  NO!  Bedrooms are for sleeping...we are going night night...we all need sleep, sleep, SLEEP!!!!!When it is time for sleep, lights out, and rock as before (see naptime routine).  Goodnight, crib, goodnight. However, she does not need to fall asleep on you.  Will want you to sing most likely, and rock for approx 10-15 minutes. I'm 1/4 way through a bottle of wine by now! Put her in crib laying down and she will go to sleep on her own!

Your freedom:  Listen to her on monitor, rarely does she wake up now. 

Phone Numbers:  Our cell phone:  248-980-5544

Mike Work: 313-337-9723

Pediatrician: 248-855-7510

Alarm:  Can set it at night.  All doors must be closed.  Wait for ready light and push 0625 Stay (or #3).  Red light will come on and unit will beep.  Just remember to turn it off in morning before opening doors—0625 Off (or #1)No longer have an alarm company as I have 4 kids, we are poor, and who would want to break into a house with 4 kids and a crazy mother/wife?

I am seriously in awe at how ridiculous this is.  And I totally know now why Taylor is as messed up as she is, and why Sawyer will be normal.  Don't get me wrong...I love Taylor more than anything and she is a beautiful, wonderful, great kid.  However, she is such a picky eater she eats maybe 5 things.  Maybe.  She still wants to be sung to at night.  Still needs a parent to tuck her in bed.  Is still up at the crack of dawn.  Still is addicted to TV.  Wants to be waited on, can do nothing independently, still has me pick her clothes out most days!  She's 9!  Will not drink juice that is not diluted with water....acts like you are trying to poison her with Drayno if you do.  Still asks things like "can I have a banana Mommy?"  Yes, Taylor, you are 9!  You don't need to ask me if you can have a banana!  So dependent on Mike and I...is the only one who consistently still calls me Mommy....Noah says "Mom or YOU!" and Payton...well I'm surprised she doesn't just yell "bitch!"...Sawyer...god knows what he'll call me!

However, she's the love of my life, the sparkle in her Daddy's eye (yep, still calls him "Daddy"), and is smart as a whip.

Sawyer....at 14 months old is already so independent.  Eats just about everything.  Goes to bed very quickly...just wants to be laid down in his crib and left to sleep!  Sleeps til 9 am at least every day. Never watches TV...active all the time. 

It's amazing to me how much I have grown as a parent, and as a person, from #1 to #4.  I really think I'm a better parent now.  I don't care about the things I used to completely freak out about.  Enjoy Sawyer much more than I did Taylor...not because I loved her any less....but because I think I love myself more and appreciate little things more now.  Taylor is so big now....and I hope she never stops needing me.  Or wanting me to sing to her, or snuggle with her, or stop calling me Mommy.  And I don't want Sawyer to grow up...he has been such an amazing addition to our family....he is going to be an amazing little man...already is!  Motherhood...what a journey...a struggle, a joy, a pain, fun, hell, goodness and laughter all in one.  Now, where's my wine glass?

The Dreaded Call....

Last night I received it...the dreaded call....or text I should say since he was too scared to call me and hear my screaming and cursing on the other end....

"I just got an assignment and won't be home til 9."

This was on dance night.  Tuesday night.  The WORST night this could possibly happen.  Why?  Because we are at dance for 3 hours on Tuesday night.  So there I was, at the dance studio, with little food, a 7 year old boy who would rather be dead than be there, and a 14 month old boy who will be the bane of my existence.  HELL. Then we get home, everyone is starving, everyone has homework, ACK!  We didn't even get to Noah's reading, and I had to send an email to his teacher this morning telling her what a slacker parent I am and didn't get to his reading because of our hell night.  Embarrassing.  (Hi Jenny on the Block!  LOL!)

Don't you hate those calls/texts? Yes, I know they are working too....but not with 4 kids.  My work is harder, I declare, because I have the kids.  And yes, I work too...just from home!  Which is worse...I wish I was in a cubby like Mike is with a clean little desk and walls around me.  Not really because then I wouldn't be with my kids...but there are times it would be awesome.  Being a stay at home mom working full time is hell sometimes!
All of this is after I experienced this at 9 am.

Sorry for the sideways pic...but yes, that would be an entire jar of fish food.  On the floor.

 I can't get these flipping pictures to turn, so you're just going to have to turn your head to look because I had a bad day.  Yes, look how fun the fish food is!

Now let's move to the small pieces in Noah's room that Sawyer can choke on.  It's so fun to play with choking hazzards.  It's the only thing I want to play with, says Sawyer.  And notice the fun drool marks on the shirt too...more teeth. Always a party here!

Hmmmm...what's in here that I can choke on? 

And why this picture came out right, I don't know.  Chalk it up to this is the kind of day I had.

Ah, and I hear him up now....where the hell is my nanny?  Or my manny?  Please....someone...hire me a manny!

Hoping the father of your children is home early tonight, tells you to get a glass of wine and run a bubble bath when he gets home, and takes the kids away for the rest of the night, and then deposits them in bed for you!  Have a great day/night!

So I kicked and swore calmly and rationally bucked up to my situation and got through it.  And it was ridiculous....

The Fun Never Ends

Meet Sawyer.  Sawyer likes toilets.

Yep, that's a whole roll of toilet paper.  Caught him with the cell phone.  Do you like the look of "What, did I do something wrong?"  If a toilet is open, Sawyer is in it.  And don't think that a toilet full of pee stops him.  The kids that use the toilet NEVER flush (despite my constant cries of FLUSH THE TOILET!!), so Sawyer is in there, swishing his little hands in the pretty yellow "water". 
Sawyer also likes garbage cans.

I have found many things that Sawyer has so kindly deposited in the garbage for me...that don't belong in there.  If there is a garbage can to get into, again, Sawyer is in it.  Loves to pull out the garbage...even that fun, old food!  There's a surprise in every can!
Sawyer likes the above things, but he LOVES tampons.

See the joy in his face?  Yep, that's a box of tampons.

Look how lovingly he's looking at the box!

And then we get to take them all out!  So fun!  It's like Christmas!

And then we sit, and play....he's even been know to roll around in them!  Tampons are so fun!

And then it's snack time!  It's a toy and a snack in one!  YUM!
(No, I do not actually let him unwrap the tampon and place it in his mouth....I'm a bad parent, but not that bad people!
My point?  Why do I buy toys? Why?  He doesn't play with them!  However, I have 4 toilets in my house.  Check.  More garbage cans than I can count.  Check.  And Target has an unlimited supply of tampons priced at $4.69 that I can easily pick up on my four times a week  weekly Target outing.  Perfect!  Next Christmas Santa is not going to be bringing toys, he's going to be bringing light, medium and super boxes of tampons!  Merry Christmas!
Hey, maybe he'll end up being a OB/GYN and set his momma up in a luxury condo one day!

No time...not time...not enough time!

My poor blog...I have so much to say and no time to say it!  I wish I had another 2 or 3 hours a day.....I can't get it all done with only 24!  I miss you my dear blog...I promise I will spend time with your tomorrow!  Love, Me

Housewives of Toledo

Whew what a weekend...I'm not as young as I used to be!

On Friday night I went out with the Housewives of Toledo. Have you heard of them?  Oh yes, they exist.  Three sassy and classy ladies....and they took great care of me!  We went out and they were known by everyone.  Bartenders, waitstaff....you'd never know we were in Toledo!  Had a great dinner, drinks....back to the bar for drinks.  They were wheeling and dealing with doctors.....these ladies knew it all!  Such a change from my little world where dinner out Friday night is the Coney Island.  I certainly cannot drink like I used to...and by 1:00 am the Housewives had to put me in bed. 
And oh I slept like a baby!  A bed to myself!  No one snoring next to me!  No baby monitor humming next to me!  Heaven!  Thanks for a great night though Toledo chicks....I had a great time!

Weigh in day today...lost 5.2 pounds!  Hot damn!  I better have though....I've been so good....Summer of George!

And one quick picture...in other big news, Sawyer ate macaroni and cheese with a fork today.  This is also heaven.  I can put this in front of him in the highchair and he's entertained and stationary for 20 minutes.  Mommy bliss!

Nothin' cuter than a baby eatin' mac and cheese!

Save me from the spin cycle!

And this isn't even half of it.
The laundry begins to become a problem.....

when you lose your baby in the laundry.  Poor Sawyer.
I have procrastinated it long enough....and Mike is going to have to go commando to work tomorrow if he hasn't dug himself out some undies to wash.  Poor Mike. 
Eh...Ford needs a little spice...
I really hate laundry....I always say I'll never let it get to this point again, and then I suddenly find myself searching for the baby in a pile of clothes.  Dirty ones at that.
It doesn't help too that I'm incredibly anal and line dry nearly everything.  I know....I know.....
Some day I'll have a laundress...or a laundman....who wears tight little shorts and serves me drinks with umbrellas in them....while he's hanging up my clothes and emptying the lint trap....until then my husband may not wear underwear to work tomorrow and I will have to listen to Taylor complain that her super skinny jeans are not clean.

Don't worry...he found his way out...he's tough...he's the fourth kid...it's how he rolls...

Summer of George!!!

Who the hell is this?  Yep, it's me.....wow.  And Mike with a lot darker hair.  Before we were married, in Mexico.  Feels like another life ago.
Had a great conversation with a friend today...an inspiring friend....and we talked about this year being our Summer of George.  You know...the Seinfeld episode where George declares it's all about him--for the whole summer.  Well, 2011 is my Summer of George...it's going to be all about me.  Day 4 of WW...and I'm feeling good.  Day 4 of no pop, and I'm about dying.  I may need to taste the nectar tomorrow...just so I can stop the shakes.
Today I was actually a better mom because I did things for ME.  So when it was time to take care of everyone else, I had the patience to do so.  What a concept...amazing it's still taking me this long to learn this.  I was able to go on my elliptical, and then shower!  I organized my desk....did some MJC office time, read my US magazine, and tonight I took a bath!  Now, I was able to do most of this because this little guy:

took a power nap for me.
And I had patience to deal with this guy:

when I really want to throttle him.  Got a phone call from his teacher about his disrespectful behavior with a guest teacher today....and instead of losing it when he screamed at me that he "hated me and I was the worst mom ever and ruins his life" after I told him he was spending the night in his room with no Legos or TV and would be receiving a HUGE consequence, I simply said "Okay".

And then there is the good kid of the day...so sweet, so full of life, loves everything and everyone.  Energy like you wouldn't believe....excitement over everything.  I love 5.

She could be the "bad kid" tomorrow.

And then there is the moody one.  9 going on 17.....

So what will I do for myself tomorrow to give me the patience to deal with these little personalities again?  Hmmmm....the possibilities are endless......

Why I want to move....to Target.

I do.  I want to live in Target.  Went there today for my Sunday, 2 hour long, blissful visit.  And I want to live there....really.  My Target of choice for all the local peeps is the Commerce Target.  Mike swears that I am the target of security there...that they must be watching me saying to each other "How can this woman be here again? What can she possibly be looking at/wanting/needing now?  Hasn't she bought everything here?"  The answers are a.  I love being here b. I am looking at/wanting/needing everything here.  and c., no I haven't bought everything here yet, that's why I'm here!  It's just such a happy, blissful place.  Here are the top reasons for me wanting to make it my residence:
1.  They have a Starbucks...and someone makes your Grande Non-Fat Two Spenda Latte (sometimes iced) and hands it to you with a smile.  Ahhhh....instant perfection.
2.  The shopping carts are red, which also happens to be my favorite color.  So while I'm pushing my Starbucks around, I get to look at my favorite hue!
3.  The floors are clean....no crumbs, except for the food area, and I know I don't have to vacuum it!  Sure, there are your occasional mishaps....but if there is one, it's not my problem!
4.  Neat piles and stacks of things....I love this.  I'm anal...I like things organized, and Target to me is organized.  Rows of anything organized gives me a thrill--hey, I don't get out much.  Remember, I have 4 kids!
5.  In the bathroom section there is no dirty underwear on the floor!  Stacks of clean towels!  Imagine!
6.  Where else can you get diapers, tape, cute new mixing bowls, and a bottle of your favorite wine in one store?  Yes, Target sells one of my favorite wines, LaCrema Pinot Noir!  Everything I could ever possibly want is there!  You can even get Pizza Hut pizza, which is the greasest yummiest pizza ever, and I can't eat it now, but the possibility is there!
7.  I'm usually alone at Target...for trips like this anyway.  It's my outlet...I looked forward to these 2 hours for days.  Pathetic...I know.  But it's just me, my cute red cart, my Starbucks, and I feel for those 2 hours like I can tackle the world!

I can just click my ruby heels together and say "I want to go to Target....I want to go to Target....I want to go to Target...." and suddenly it's all okay!  Can't wait for my next trip...probably tomorrow.
Night!  And Target dreams to all!

Well here I go....

I've always wanted to do this....start a blog.  So today I am.  I also started Weight Watchers today to lose 60 pounds.  So, we'll see how this all pans out.

Why "BurntToastx4" for my blog name?  Well, I love to eat peanut butter toast every morning.  Of course, since I've now joined WW, this will have to change.  Regardless, when I do make peanut butter toast, I burn the first batch in the toaster oven every time.  Why?  The "x4".  Four nuts that prevent me from making a decent piece of toast, but make it all worthwhile.

So, I want to blog to share my crazy life, my views on things, and to chronicle the growing up of my peanuts, Taylor, Noah, Payton, and Sawyer.  Again, we'll see how this goes....hope my kids enjoy reading this someday, and others do as well!

Rachel