I have completely gone downhill as a mother....Number 1 vs. Number 4

I came across the most pathetic, funny, ridiculous, over the top document on my computer today.  It is called "Taylor Care"....I don't remember where Mike and I were going, but we were obviously leaving her with with his parents.  What I wrote way back then is in black....my first child.  God I was young and dumb.  I'll write in red what it is like now, for Sawyer, my poor 4th child.

Taylor Care

Schedule:  Ummmm...Taylor had a schedule?  There is no freaking schedule! 

Between 7 and 8 am:  Are you freaking kidding me?  Between 7 and 8 AM?  I'm fast asleep at that time now! You will hear her start to wake up on the monitor, Monitor is usually turned WAY down so he doesn't wake me up  anywhere in this hour.  Unless it sounds like she is absolutely screaming bloody murder, give her approx. 15-20 minutes to wake up.  You will hear her talking, etc. to herself.  Sawyer is absolutely screaming to get me up there.

Wake Up:  She usually likes to hang out in her crib or her room upon waking up for a little while, reading books, looking at magnets, etc.No toys in crib...crib is for night night....we all must sleep...sleep...SLEEP!

Go Downstairs:  She likes to have juice first thing.  Sawyer usually gets some juice about 10 am when he's yanking and pulling at me and I say "Oh shit...I haven't given you anything to drink yet!"

Juice Directions:  Any sippy cup—you can use disposable cups or Playtex—remember that Playtex cups need valve in lid.  Did I really have this many different kinds of sippy cups?  You're getting juice kid...let's not be picky about the cup you're drinking it in.Cups and bowls are all in the top cabinet to the left of the sink.  Put in more than 2/3 water from fridge and then top off with juice. Was I completely insane?  What???   Don’t be surprised if she drinks through one very quickly and asks for another—that is fine.Enjoy it kid...it might be the last cup of juice you get til 3 pm and I say "shit, you're done with that juice from this morning?"

TV Shows:  On Channel 9 at 8:00 is the first

Sesame Street

. Sawyer has never seen Sesame Street. She will probably want you to sit on the couch with her and she will snuggle.Sawyer would laugh at me if I tried to sit on the couch with him and snuggle...did I really have this much time on my hands?  However, sometimes she right off the bat wants to play at the same time she watches.

*She may ask for a banana during the first hour, and I let her eat it on the couch.  Basically, she is allowed to eat anything “dry” on the couch. Anyone that has been to my house in the last 2 years knows that NO ONE EATS ON MY COUCH!  YOU ARE LUCKY YOU ARE SITTING ON THE COUCH I COVETED FROM POTTERY BARN FOR YEARS AND FINALLY HAVE!  GET SOMETHING ON MY COUCH AND DIE!

*At 9:00 we switch over to channel 67 for the Wiggles—it’s about 20 minutes long.  Now, I miss the Wiggles...but they were never the same after Greg left the group.

*After the Wiggles we switch to Channel 6 for the second

Sesame Street

.  Or, if she does not want to watch the Wiggles, she can immediately start watching the second

Sesame Street

.Okay, my first kid watched a lot of TV....Sawyer does not watch TV.

Breakfast:  Usually after 9:00 is when she will want to eat—she eats at end chair near the doorwall.Kid, just sit anywhere while I have time to feed you.  She will watch TV as she eats.  I put down a paper towel and give her a bowl of Cheerios (which are in pantry) with 2% milk. Oh my god I was truly insane. Spoons are in silverware drawer right of sink.  Sometimes she will ask for more Cheerios.

After Breakfast:  You can get her dressed now or wait if she wants to play. Sawyer is usually in his pj's all day...unless we are going out...and only then if he's lucky Wipe face with wipes that are in cabinet under the phone.Usually wearing breakfast on his face when Daddy get's homeat 6 pm.

Continuing TV:  Teletubbies come on at 10:00 on Channel 6, followed by Barney.  Usually both are on, but she is doing other things by now. Really more TV?

Getting Dressed:  What usually works best is if I bring the clothes downstairs and get her dressed in front of the TV.  There are diapers up in her closet organizer or under the phone with the wipes. I changed Taylor's diaper in the morning?  Usually it's about 11 when Sawyer gets his.... Ponies and combs are in her vanity drawer, a white comb is also in the wooden organizer by the phone in the kitchen (in the front compartments).At least I have this going for me with the 4th being a boy....no hair stuff!

Activities for the day:  Her favorites are:  markers, puzzles, stickers, books, stuff in the playroom such as chalkboards, bears, trains, etc.  Playdough is in the cupboard above phone. Playdough makes a freaking mess and is the devil's toy! Stickers, markers, paper, etc. are in hall closet in art cart.  Please supervise with markers and white board markers. What's she going to do, stab herself?  Here Sawyer, play with scissors while mommy takes her shower! 

*The computer is a big hit too.  Turn on computer, after it boots up hit the blue “e” on bottom for internet.  Go to favorites on the top and go to Taylor.  There are several sites for her—favorites are the

Sesame Street

sites.

*She likes walks and going in her red or green car.  Also likes to take her baby out in the stroller for walks on the sidewalk.

*Park at Wixom Library in the back or Gilbert Willis play structure.

*She also likes the pet store on Haggerty just south of maple (Petsmart by Target).

Lunch:  She usually does not snack before lunch, Sawyer would not eat if he didn't snack...who has time to go through this whole feeding thing again? but she can of course have anything she wants or that you offer.  Usually around 12:30 she will eat lunch, but give or take considering when she ate breakfast and how much.  For lunch you can give her the following, which is also basically her diet as a whole:

·       Cheese—strips or slices

·       Applesauce

·       Peanut butter and jelly—on white bread, cut in two diamonds Really?

·       Chips

·       Triscuits

·       Crackers (chocolate, goldfish, etc.)

·       Yogurt

·       Macaroni and cheese—just make sure it is plenty cool—and sometimes this is iffy. Could be a waste of your time though.

·       Bananas

·       Oranges

·       Pear slices—I cut them up

·       She also has chicken nuggets and tater tots in freezer—these are good for dinner for her especially—cut them up after taking out of oven and stick in freezer on a plate for a few minutes to cool down—she will freak out if too hot

·       Pizza and garlic/cheese bread

God, this is so much variety and so healthy!  I don't want protective services showing up at my door, so I'll plead the 5th on this one!

Naptime:  At 3:00 is usually a good time. Kid, it' s12:30, I'm done, you are going to bed Change diaper before nap.That is really funny!  Tell her it’s nappy time, that nappies make us happy, and it is time to go upstairs to take a nap.There is no explanation, talking about it, etc....it's happening...NOW!

She may resist, may not.  Do it anyway.The first sane thing in this whole thing! She understands when you tell her that naps are important and that we all take them, and you will do more fun stuff after naptime. Go in room and do a check for cats—behind chair, under vanity, and under crib.  Put stuffed animals, books, magnets, etc. at end of crib (cover books with one of her blankies).  We usually tell her one book, which ends up to be 2 or 3.  Then when it is time, Pick her up, hold her so she is facing away from you leaning back, and begin to rock.  She may ask you to sing the sunshine song (You are my sunshine), bus (wheels on the bus), itsy (itsy bitsy spider), hush little baby, or baa baa (baa baa black sheep with her selected colors--what the hell?  Selected colors?  Oh my god why was I not committed?).  She will probably rub your left arm that is kinda slung over her left shoulder.  It sometimes takes 10 minutes to get her to sleep, sometimes 25--you have got to be kidding me!  Sawyer gets 3 minutes...tops...TOPS!.  She will go with persistence, and a nap is necessary.  As she stops moving her hand on your arm you can cradle her so she is laying across your lap with her head on left arm of chair.  Once she has her eyes closed and is sucking thumb for a good 5 minutes or so (if the thumb falls out when her eyes are closed – she’s out), lift her up in the same laying down position and put her in crib along closest bumper, head at top near door.It's like trying to coordinate world peace!!!  Seriously, what the HELL was I thinking?  This is getting embarrassing!  Then leave!  **Oh, important, put fan on the highest level of noise when you go into room to read books—fan is important!**

*If she resists a nap,there is no resisting....it's happening....I don't care what the hell you do or say get her as sleepy as possible and put her in crib awake—if she stands up and cries you are probably out of luck.No Sawyer, you are out of luck.  It is okay to leave her in her crib for a while to see if she goes to sleep—up to one hour unless she is absolutely screaming bloody murder.Oh, you'll be screaming bloody murder....and you'll be up there for 3 hours.

If you get her down for a nap she should sleep for 2-3 hours.Damn straight!  Listen on monitor. Hilarious! If she sleeps longer than that, let her!  Just make sure she is up by 6:30 ish.Sawyer is going to bed at 6:30...Taylor is just getting up?

Wake up:  Same as morning—let her wake up a little bit first before you go up there (at least 10-15 minutes, but can be longer if she is not screaming).Oh my good lord, really? 

After nap:  Up to you—can do basically whatever—usually she likes to go outside if nice out.  She usually wants a sippy of juice when she gets up.

Dinner:  Time depends on when she gets up from nap—7 or 7:30.  She will not eat well if she has dinner right after nap.

*Can have anything for dinner (refer to food list)Lucky you are getting dinner between dance, scouts, Matilda Jane, phone, homework, fighting, screaming, emails........

*Likes to watch a video while you are making dinner and during dinner usually.

Nighttime:  GG’s are in second drawer on left side of dresser—she can pick out if she wants.  Diapers, again, are in closet.  Wipes are on top of dresser.  Bedtime is 9-9:30,I am done with ALL KIDS by 8....ALL depending on when she got up from nap.  Go in room, fan on medium level, do a cat check.  Close door and she will want to read or play with kitchen, vanity, feed/rock her baby, etc. to stall time.  Toys in room?  NO!  Bedrooms are for sleeping...we are going night night...we all need sleep, sleep, SLEEP!!!!!When it is time for sleep, lights out, and rock as before (see naptime routine).  Goodnight, crib, goodnight. However, she does not need to fall asleep on you.  Will want you to sing most likely, and rock for approx 10-15 minutes. I'm 1/4 way through a bottle of wine by now! Put her in crib laying down and she will go to sleep on her own!

Your freedom:  Listen to her on monitor, rarely does she wake up now. 

Phone Numbers:  Our cell phone:  248-980-5544

Mike Work: 313-337-9723

Pediatrician: 248-855-7510

Alarm:  Can set it at night.  All doors must be closed.  Wait for ready light and push 0625 Stay (or #3).  Red light will come on and unit will beep.  Just remember to turn it off in morning before opening doors—0625 Off (or #1)No longer have an alarm company as I have 4 kids, we are poor, and who would want to break into a house with 4 kids and a crazy mother/wife?

I am seriously in awe at how ridiculous this is.  And I totally know now why Taylor is as messed up as she is, and why Sawyer will be normal.  Don't get me wrong...I love Taylor more than anything and she is a beautiful, wonderful, great kid.  However, she is such a picky eater she eats maybe 5 things.  Maybe.  She still wants to be sung to at night.  Still needs a parent to tuck her in bed.  Is still up at the crack of dawn.  Still is addicted to TV.  Wants to be waited on, can do nothing independently, still has me pick her clothes out most days!  She's 9!  Will not drink juice that is not diluted with water....acts like you are trying to poison her with Drayno if you do.  Still asks things like "can I have a banana Mommy?"  Yes, Taylor, you are 9!  You don't need to ask me if you can have a banana!  So dependent on Mike and I...is the only one who consistently still calls me Mommy....Noah says "Mom or YOU!" and Payton...well I'm surprised she doesn't just yell "bitch!"...Sawyer...god knows what he'll call me!

However, she's the love of my life, the sparkle in her Daddy's eye (yep, still calls him "Daddy"), and is smart as a whip.

Sawyer....at 14 months old is already so independent.  Eats just about everything.  Goes to bed very quickly...just wants to be laid down in his crib and left to sleep!  Sleeps til 9 am at least every day. Never watches TV...active all the time. 

It's amazing to me how much I have grown as a parent, and as a person, from #1 to #4.  I really think I'm a better parent now.  I don't care about the things I used to completely freak out about.  Enjoy Sawyer much more than I did Taylor...not because I loved her any less....but because I think I love myself more and appreciate little things more now.  Taylor is so big now....and I hope she never stops needing me.  Or wanting me to sing to her, or snuggle with her, or stop calling me Mommy.  And I don't want Sawyer to grow up...he has been such an amazing addition to our family....he is going to be an amazing little man...already is!  Motherhood...what a journey...a struggle, a joy, a pain, fun, hell, goodness and laughter all in one.  Now, where's my wine glass?