Monday, April 25, 2011

My Definition of Insanity

I have many reasons to be insane.  And am I insane...well, yes, I am!  I have four kids, a husband, a house I cannot keep clean, a job (which is insanity itself), two girl scout troops, other volunteer things, dance, baseball, a baby who now licks deodorant, weight watchers...and a host of other things I want to do, like to do, wish I could mind is never stopping.  However, there are some things that are recent to my heart in terms of insanty. And here they are:

10.  Questions:  All the time.  Constantly.  What's for dinner?  How many points do you have left?  Where is the baby?  What is going on tonight?  What are you doing? Where is my "fill in the blank"?  Why can't I have bread and brownie bites for dinner?  What are Slim Jims made out of?  It never stops.  My life seems like it is a constant series of is driving me nuts!  Silence....I want one question..."Where is the noise?"  And I won't answer it...I'll just enjoy it.  However, this is a pipe dream.

9.  This blasted weather.  I hate it.  Why do I live in Michigan?  Shit!  That's a question!

8.  Buying a Mac.  I love it...don't get me wrong...but I'm scared.  Of IT.  I have hardly been in my den.  It just sits there.  How will I ever have the time to learn how to use it?  I am too busy answering questions!  I need Mike to take the kids far far I can play.  Subtle hint.

7.  Abercrombie.  Taylor is now rejecting some of my ideas for what I want her to wear...hence, alternatives.  I refuse to shop Justice.  Refuse, and that's a whole other post.  So off we go to Abercrombie. God that store makes me feel old.  Why does the music need to be so bloody loud?  And the SMELL!  It's like I'm being gassed in there!  And it is nearly impossible to push a stroller in there.  Those skinny little bitches in there rolling their eyes at me as I push their racks aside are annoyed by me, but guess what sisters?  It's people like me with kids who are paying your salary and can afford to shop here, so I sweetly smile and don't apologize. 

6.  Aging.  I look like hell.  Went to get a laser treatment on my face tonight that felt like I was being pelted with rubber bands and now my face is burning, tingling, and generally hurting.  I now have roascea  to deal with, sun spots all over my face, deep wrinkles on my forehead, big pores, break outs.  What the hell?  I hate's ridiculous.  I don't feel like I should look like blows. 

5. Bathing suits.  Tried some on just for shits and giggles the other day.  Oh god.  Even after losing 30 pounds now...god help me.  I should just get a full scuba suit.  Made of pure a gigantic spanx suit.  Really?  Anything that covers up enough...I look like my mother.  Anything that is cute?  Cellulite and pudge everywhere.  Do I get black?  A bright color?  Who am I kidding?  This has got to be the worst thing in the world.  I'd rather give birth...seriously. 

4.  Family.  Extended that is.  Drive me nuts.  Love them, but geesh.  After traveling to Arizona, having my father in law here for over a week, spending Easter with my parents....I'm done. 

3.  Fox News.

2.  Fox News.....yes, I know I'm repeating myself. 

1.  Fox News at level 62 on the TV.  My father in law just spent a week with us....and we listened to Fox News at level 62 on the TV for a week.  Maddening.  Simply maddening.    Drives me nuts...and it's even worse when it's making your ear drums shake.  Just saw a recent picture of Donald Trump too....he looked orange.  I think he's fake baking....or getting spray tanned...and he's orange.  You make that much money and you can't even get a decent spray tan?  Hmmmm....I don't trust anyone with a bad/orange spray tan.  The man needs help.

What is your definition of insanity? 

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